The saying; Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans, is true in many cases. And now, in this moment in time nothing happens, no plans can be made, even if you do are you able to do them in this current situation.
Plus as a fact, you cannot plan life really, it happens. I have had this happen to me so many times. You can make all the plans you want for yourself, but life probably has a completely different set of plans. Everyone has been let down at one time or another when their life hasn’t quite gone the way they would like. I know my life is far from what I had planned and I’m sure a lot of people have had that happen to them, too.
Life molds you as time goes on changing your life as it sees fit. This is not to say that I don’t have a good life, but it is totally different to what I planned when I was young.
in this moment in time, I feel sad, kind of helpless and frustrated at the same time. Depression, I have mild one. A self diagnosis for sure. I think lots of people do at this time. Lots of things contribute to it in my case.
The fact, that I am not able to get a job. I have this feeling, that I don’t know anything or a not able to do anything that is required in the jobs I have skills for. I know I have the skill, but I feel that I don’t. You apply to various positions, maybe get an interview, end up being in the best 2 – 5 people, this is no comfort. Also this relates to the main thing, where am I going to get the money to live. The feeling of being worth something, also in this context.
Covid, it has some effect on everyone I am sure, some more, some less. I have taken it mostly OK, it is what it is. Still, that you are not able to do all the things you want to is restrictive. I am in the good situation that all my family is close and we are able to be in contact. But one of the concerns is that it has caused also unemployment in the younger generation including my kids, so you worry about their income.
Also depression has hit some of my close ones hard, not mildly but severely. It is hard to see how it takes hold of the person and how it resonates to the people close to them. The helpless feeling as you do not know how to help. Action more than words are more effective.
Winter is, and never has been, the best of the seasons, and people who have read my post in the past know this. I have complained about enough. But as winter go this was not the worst by all means. And spring is on it’s way, I am so happy about that.
I’ll stop now. Work on my art and photos to put my mind out of this non productive rambling.
If you read this far, thank you 🙂
Ritva Sillanmäki Photography 